worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
