Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
