so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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