he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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