I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
