I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
someone owes me an orgasm
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
