this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
