So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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