I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shame - the story of my life.
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