I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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