I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
