I only kidnapped one of them. chill
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
