I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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