The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
