Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
