Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
