sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
