I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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