Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
