good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
