the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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