You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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