so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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