hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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