In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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