You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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