I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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