Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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