you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
