Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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