she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
