Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
