Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
