worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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