do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
