I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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