I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
