There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
