God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
