i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
