let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
the raccoons are back...
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