If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
