I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
