porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
