no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
