dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
