I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
