I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
