Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
