We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
