Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im part way to drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
