I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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