Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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