I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
